I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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