the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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