Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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