their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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