good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
