He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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