Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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