I haven't been this sober since birth.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
