Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
