Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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