Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
