Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
