he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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