I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
