I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
