So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
