I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
