Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
