She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize