Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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