dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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