the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
