My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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