He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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