haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
