1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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