I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
