I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
