This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
