I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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