i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Enjoy the penises
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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