somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
