Sry I called you an 8
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
