sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dick very happy bro
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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