"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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