I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
