i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
