grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
