I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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