found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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