life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
