I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
