Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
