Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
