I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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