I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
