True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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