I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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