I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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