That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
