Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize