The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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