so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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