bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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