I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
