so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
