just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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