I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someone shattered a urinal.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
