The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
