All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
