I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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