New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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