this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
