i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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