I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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