Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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